His Sweet Whisper

After reading my devotional from Jesus Calling I was struck by what the Lord was leading me to do.  Again, He is leading me down the road of simple Truths, but just because they are simple does not mean they are easy.  However, no matter how hard I know it will be so worthwhile.  I am super excited about how the Lord is continuing to change my perspective.  He is calling me to trust Him when my life is crazy. He is calling me to praise Him when I don't understand what is going on and thank Him for circumstances that are way out of my control.  He is calling me to love through my pain. He is calling me continue to fight the good fight even when I am beyond exhausted. The reason for these simple callings is because of His unfailing love and since I want to reflect Him I must always hope and always preserver but above all always love. 

Perspective

Everyone has a perspective.  We all look at the world just a bit different.  These different perspectives effect everything that we see, feel and experience in the world.  Changing your outlook can change your mood and attitude in a tremendous way.  As a Christian our goal should be to see the world through our Lord's eyes.  This is defiantly a monumental task, but thankfully we have the Holy Spirit to guide our heart.

This past week the Lord has been pressing into me the most basic teachings of Christianity.  You see it is easy to get lost in the sea of theology and forget that we have very basic, but very hard mandates.  We are to love God with all our heart. Love others as Christ did and to make disciples throughout the world.  The Lord has been bringing me back to these three mandates over and over again.

This past week I was getting  bogged down by the weight of my current trails, and my sweet savior whispered to me "I am God and I am good, no matter what."  I would acknowledge this fact and move on each day however, this weekend as we stood out in our family camp-out, I looked out at God's wondrous creation and God's miracles (namely my sweet Madelyn who was just recently diagnosed with Epilepsy and my precious father in law, who has survived 2 brain tumors and extensive cancer treatments) and realized I was missing it.  The Lord was teaching me a simple yet profound life lesson!  One that I as a Christian had missed these last 7 years.  It is to change my base-line.  To change my whole way of thinking.  Basically to change my perspective.  If I filter every experience through the basic Truth that God is good no matter what, then my trails are nothing compared to the glory of what is to come (paraphrased from Romans 8:18).  I may be hard pressed, but truly believing that God is nothing but good will help me not be crushed.  I may be perplexed but because of His goodness I will not be driven to despair.  (2nd Corinthians 4:8)

Anyone hear a Rooster crow?

"Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven." Matthew 10: 32-33

Do the words in red ever hurt you when you read them in your Bible?  I mean do you ever just get physically torn up by them? Because these words sure pierce right through my heart.  I am so grieved by them. You see this summer I wondered off the "narrow path." Well more accurately, I ran as fast as possible away from Christ as I could.  I suppose if I had a jet pack I would have strapped that puppy on and flew just as fast as I could...but I digress.
 I felt so hurt, so alone and frankly so very angry. I was angry at people, at myself and  at God...I didn't understand the God's process of healing me from a transgression committed against me.  I didn't understand why He wanted to bring it out of darkness and into the light.  Why He wanted to surface these wounds and how it would be helpful.  So in my humanness I rebelled.  I was like a wild horse bucking at any kindness and love offered to me.  And one day this summer when asked about my beliefs I stood there and denied Him. I DENIED HIM!! This memory just brings me to tears...it is just gut wrenching that I did not acknowledged Him before men.  I was exactly what the Bible defines as a liar!  In 1 John 2:22 it says : Who is the liar? It is the man who denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a man is the antichrist-he denies the Father and the Son.  
There are no words...I am so broken over this...what is there to say to my sweet savior? How am I to approach Him, I know I am forgiven. I know I am washed clean. (It was hard to accept that I am forgiven but then Jesus reminded me of Peter!!! insert rooster crowing here! I love me some Peter) But it still stings...It still grieves me and I am thankful that it does.  All I can do is cry out and say take all of me Jesus and replace it with all of you! I am unable to walk in a way that reflects Your sweet reflection without You in me...and Lord I want to shine!!!

PS I don't know if this blog made any sense to anyone but I needed to get it out of my brain and onto paper...

jars of clay

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his live may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us but life is at work in you." 2 Corinthians 4: 7-12

This verse has been like a church bell ringing in my soul.  I keep coming to the end of my rope and then the Holy Spirit pricks my soul with this unfailing word of God.  I am exactly like a jar of clay...I am brittle, I am broken, barely holding on..I mean I don't feel like there is enough duck tape in the world to hold me together right now...and yet little old me hold's this precious Gift inside of me..WOW! And no matter how weak I am no matter how many times I cry out to our precious Savior from the depth of my sinners soul...
He whispers softly to me...you are hard pressed but you will not be crushed...
yes you are confused but no you will not be driven to the depths of despair...
you may be persecuted but you are never alone...I am with you always...
and you will be struck down because you are a jar of clay...but oh you will rise!!!
Dear sweet Rachel, you will rise and when you do my radiance will shine through you, through the cracks of your scars, through the presence of your pain, through the depths of your brokenness...people will see My face! You will reflect Me! Oh I am going to hold tight to this Lord!

I shall not want

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the
paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the
shadow of death; I will fear no evil: for thou
art with me; thy rod and thy staff they
comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the
presence of mine enemies: thou anointest
my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all
the days of my life; and I will dwell in the
house of the Lord for ever.

Psalm 23

As I was folding clothes today I decided to listen to a Francis Chan podcast, and BAM I am hit with conviction. (shocker I know!!!) Mr. Chan so eloquently discussed how we as God's people are so wicked that we cannot even love God or love others without His ultimate power. That it is beyond our own ability to truly love others without God's help. Our hearts are so easily lead astray.  This is so very true, especially for me, I want to love God and others on my own terms. I want to have a skittles and rainbows life.  

I am consistently seeking other things to fill up my soul, as if God, the Ultimate Creator is not enough.  WE SHALL NOT WANT is what the Word says, but I so very much want.  I want for material possessions, I want for personal time, I want for people's approval etc...but I do not want for more of GOD...something has gone awfully wrong here.  The only way for this to be made right is for desperate pleas to God daily for His help.  For me to continually fix my eyes on Him who is the Author and Perfecter of my faith.  This world is full of enticements but I promise friends (as a person who has sampled many of what the world has to offer) nothing is as fulfilling as walking hand and hand with your Savior.  I would rather suffer with God by my side then have health and wealth without Him.  I am thankful that our lives are but momentary and soon all of us will be brought into glory, I pray that we will run our own races with endurance and constantly focus on our precious Savior.  

Jesus Walks

           This post will reveal a bit of an embarrassing fact about me...here I go...I like to run to Kayne West...there I said it! Be sure to sneer just a bit next time you see me, I deserve it.  My favorite song of his is "Jesus walks"...it does have a redeeming message even though it is full of inappropriate language. The other day while running this song came on my IPOD and frankly I was hit with one of his lyrics and it has reverberated through my soul all week: 
           " I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we ain't spoke in so long."

I struggle will coming to the throne after being away, I struggle with condemnation, shame and frankly awkwardness.  I guess the best way for me to describe it is calling up a long lost friend who you have wronged in the worst way and wanting to talk to them.  How do you do this? How do I, dust (thankfully God knows my frame, He knows I am merely dust) come before my creator and talk to Him? Especially when you spent the entire summer ignoring his loving nudges to come back?  My Father was only able to get my attention when I was speeding down I59 with my child convulsing in the back seat! All I could think in that moment with Madelyn shaking in my husbands arms was...I am listening God, I promise! Who am I to return to him? And yet how great is He that He wants me back?!!!

The Shame Game

Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. Psalm 34:5

Those who know me know that I am for the most part a transparent person.  I do not like pretending nor am I able to hide my emotions very well.  As Believers we are created to be clear and openly share our struggles with our brothers and sisters, unfortunately; this does not mean it is easy to do.  My problem is not the allowing myself to be transparent to others, my struggle is more so with the aftermath, the shame of airing my dirty laundry.  This of course is silly and logically I know that but I struggle emotionally with the cloak of shame that enviably lands on me after sharing my struggles with others.   I was starting to feel the weight of that cloak descending on me when God in His awesome unending grace gave me this verse this morning.  When I cast my gaze on our radiant Father and Savior my face will never be covered in shame.  His glorious light does not allow any room for the darkness of shame! THANK YOU JESUS!!!

Backsliding

But know this: Difficult times will come in the last days. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, without love for what is good, traitors, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to the form of godliness but denying its power. Avoid these people!  2 Timothy 3: 1-5

                This summer I was what Southern Baptist’s lovingly call a “Backsliding Baptist”; which is a cute way to say that I fell into love with the world and lost my sight of my precious Savior.  It is a dreadful matter that no cute saying can really grasp or truly describe. It’s such a slow process in the beginning; it goes unnoticed if you are not careful.  For me it started with thoughts; unholy, selfish and prideful thoughts.  These thoughts that I presumed where safe in my brain branched off and took root in my heart.  The resentment and feelings of self-entitlement grew in my soul like kudzu on an abandoned Alabama highway. Sooner than I ever thought possible I had turned into a monster (because let’s face it the only good in me is Jesus so when I am without Him…I am a monster).   

However, my sweet precious Savior loves me too much to allow me to stray too far. He took my heart of stone and softened it with this verse.  I mean it was a huge slap in the face, no anvil to the heart.  As the man on the radio read this verse it was as if he was describing who I was at that moment! I was in a place that I surely loved myself and money more the Christ.  I had become boastful, proud and sadly even a blasphemer.  I am so ashamed now of how I acted but this summer when someone asked me about my religious views I decided not  to answer, I was so clouded by anger, pain and resentment that I did not want to associate myself with Jesus.  I would actually cringe in church and at the mention of his name! (I know it was bad, trust me I know I was there!)

I was certainly ungrateful; for my kids’ health(which I am much more grateful for now), my marriage, my house…and the list goes on and on.  I was a child, wanting and expecting everything to be about me.  It goes without saying that I was unholy and unloving.  And self-control has never been my strength so when Christ isn’t driving many idols became my gods…food, alcohol, school…really anything that can numb my pain and try unsuccessfully to fill the God shape hole in my heart. 

I am not claiming to be perfect right now, I am far from it!!!(in fact I just raised my voice at my kids and ate a huge chocolate bar =/) However, I am screaming from the mountain tops that I am perfectly loved and forgiven! And none of it is by my doing!  I am redeemed…I am a work in progress…and I love my sweet Jesus!  Also, I am so very thankful to have people in my life who are patient and kind and willing to stick with this wretch of a sinner! (I am talking about you dear hubby, Lisa Watwood and my dear church family Argo Christian Fellowship) Words will never express my true gratitude.  

In closing I would like to leave a verse from The Message that really hit home for me today

Friends when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner. 1 Peter 4: 12-13