"Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven." Matthew 10: 32-33
Do the words in red ever hurt you when you read them in your Bible? I mean do you ever just get physically torn up by them? Because these words sure pierce right through my heart. I am so grieved by them. You see this summer I wondered off the "narrow path." Well more accurately, I ran as fast as possible away from Christ as I could. I suppose if I had a jet pack I would have strapped that puppy on and flew just as fast as I could...but I digress.
I felt so hurt, so alone and frankly so very angry. I was angry at people, at myself and at God...I didn't understand the God's process of healing me from a transgression committed against me. I didn't understand why He wanted to bring it out of darkness and into the light. Why He wanted to surface these wounds and how it would be helpful. So in my humanness I rebelled. I was like a wild horse bucking at any kindness and love offered to me. And one day this summer when asked about my beliefs I stood there and denied Him. I DENIED HIM!! This memory just brings me to tears...it is just gut wrenching that I did not acknowledged Him before men. I was exactly what the Bible defines as a liar! In 1 John 2:22 it says : Who is the liar? It is the man who denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a man is the antichrist-he denies the Father and the Son.
There are no words...I am so broken over this...what is there to say to my sweet savior? How am I to approach Him, I know I am forgiven. I know I am washed clean. (It was hard to accept that I am forgiven but then Jesus reminded me of Peter!!! insert rooster crowing here! I love me some Peter) But it still stings...It still grieves me and I am thankful that it does. All I can do is cry out and say take all of me Jesus and replace it with all of you! I am unable to walk in a way that reflects Your sweet reflection without You in me...and Lord I want to shine!!!
PS I don't know if this blog made any sense to anyone but I needed to get it out of my brain and onto paper...
Oh, my dear friend! I love your honesty and openness! How could I have been so close and not known what was going on within your heart? Thank God we are all redeemed from our past and current sins. "Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love. Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it. Seal it for Thy courts above!" He is refining you for a purpose. There is no doubt that He has amazing plans for you and Colby. I love watching Him work in your lives!
ReplyDeleteI totally understood the post! This study of 1 John is convicting and comforting all at the same time. I'm so thankful for a Savior whose love for me does not depend on me, but also for a Savior who demands all of us.
ReplyDeleteI get your post. I too felt convicted as I read this passage for bible study (and yes, I was reading my "thou" bible, lol. I think we all go through times in our lives that we really wish we could give back to Him, or at least I know I have.
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