Anyone hear a Rooster crow?

"Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven." Matthew 10: 32-33

Do the words in red ever hurt you when you read them in your Bible?  I mean do you ever just get physically torn up by them? Because these words sure pierce right through my heart.  I am so grieved by them. You see this summer I wondered off the "narrow path." Well more accurately, I ran as fast as possible away from Christ as I could.  I suppose if I had a jet pack I would have strapped that puppy on and flew just as fast as I could...but I digress.
 I felt so hurt, so alone and frankly so very angry. I was angry at people, at myself and  at God...I didn't understand the God's process of healing me from a transgression committed against me.  I didn't understand why He wanted to bring it out of darkness and into the light.  Why He wanted to surface these wounds and how it would be helpful.  So in my humanness I rebelled.  I was like a wild horse bucking at any kindness and love offered to me.  And one day this summer when asked about my beliefs I stood there and denied Him. I DENIED HIM!! This memory just brings me to tears...it is just gut wrenching that I did not acknowledged Him before men.  I was exactly what the Bible defines as a liar!  In 1 John 2:22 it says : Who is the liar? It is the man who denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a man is the antichrist-he denies the Father and the Son.  
There are no words...I am so broken over this...what is there to say to my sweet savior? How am I to approach Him, I know I am forgiven. I know I am washed clean. (It was hard to accept that I am forgiven but then Jesus reminded me of Peter!!! insert rooster crowing here! I love me some Peter) But it still stings...It still grieves me and I am thankful that it does.  All I can do is cry out and say take all of me Jesus and replace it with all of you! I am unable to walk in a way that reflects Your sweet reflection without You in me...and Lord I want to shine!!!

PS I don't know if this blog made any sense to anyone but I needed to get it out of my brain and onto paper...

jars of clay

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his live may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us but life is at work in you." 2 Corinthians 4: 7-12

This verse has been like a church bell ringing in my soul.  I keep coming to the end of my rope and then the Holy Spirit pricks my soul with this unfailing word of God.  I am exactly like a jar of clay...I am brittle, I am broken, barely holding on..I mean I don't feel like there is enough duck tape in the world to hold me together right now...and yet little old me hold's this precious Gift inside of me..WOW! And no matter how weak I am no matter how many times I cry out to our precious Savior from the depth of my sinners soul...
He whispers softly to me...you are hard pressed but you will not be crushed...
yes you are confused but no you will not be driven to the depths of despair...
you may be persecuted but you are never alone...I am with you always...
and you will be struck down because you are a jar of clay...but oh you will rise!!!
Dear sweet Rachel, you will rise and when you do my radiance will shine through you, through the cracks of your scars, through the presence of your pain, through the depths of your brokenness...people will see My face! You will reflect Me! Oh I am going to hold tight to this Lord!

I shall not want

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the
paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the
shadow of death; I will fear no evil: for thou
art with me; thy rod and thy staff they
comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the
presence of mine enemies: thou anointest
my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all
the days of my life; and I will dwell in the
house of the Lord for ever.

Psalm 23

As I was folding clothes today I decided to listen to a Francis Chan podcast, and BAM I am hit with conviction. (shocker I know!!!) Mr. Chan so eloquently discussed how we as God's people are so wicked that we cannot even love God or love others without His ultimate power. That it is beyond our own ability to truly love others without God's help. Our hearts are so easily lead astray.  This is so very true, especially for me, I want to love God and others on my own terms. I want to have a skittles and rainbows life.  

I am consistently seeking other things to fill up my soul, as if God, the Ultimate Creator is not enough.  WE SHALL NOT WANT is what the Word says, but I so very much want.  I want for material possessions, I want for personal time, I want for people's approval etc...but I do not want for more of GOD...something has gone awfully wrong here.  The only way for this to be made right is for desperate pleas to God daily for His help.  For me to continually fix my eyes on Him who is the Author and Perfecter of my faith.  This world is full of enticements but I promise friends (as a person who has sampled many of what the world has to offer) nothing is as fulfilling as walking hand and hand with your Savior.  I would rather suffer with God by my side then have health and wealth without Him.  I am thankful that our lives are but momentary and soon all of us will be brought into glory, I pray that we will run our own races with endurance and constantly focus on our precious Savior.