Be careful what you pray for!

Be careful what you pray for, it just might come true! This week I have been praying that God would open my eyes to the hidden sin in my life.  I have prayed that God would make me a person He could use.  I have prayed that he would empty me of me and fill me with Himself.  I want so badly to be a beacon of His light in this dark world. These were earnest, heartfelt prayers but I had no idea what I was asking because, I'll tell you what, He has answered in a way only He could.  It has been a painful, emotional, and exhilarating week.  God revealed that I have become so much apart of this world that I no longer grieve my sins and that I have held on to anger so tightly that it has bared the rancid fruit of bitterness in my soul.
To see how friendly I had become with the world over the last few months was heartbreaking.  To see how easy and gradual the decline is to such a friendship, terrifying.  To see the reflection of friendship with the world in the mirror, devastating.  It is void of any hope or true joy.  It is lonely and self seeking.  Ultimately, it is a deathly image because our God is not a God of grayness.  He is black and white.  God is very clear in His Word:

"You adulterers! Don't you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God"-James 4:4

You are an enemy of God if you are a friend to the world. I had become an enemy of God, and that brought me to my knees.  I was as broken as I have ever been (although I am hesitant to say that because God has a way of breaking me further each time i feel that way). 

Thankfully, I know that God answers prayers (Matthew 7:7,21:22, Hebrews 4:16).  I can stand on the promise that God hears my petitions and will answer.  In this case, He used several people and I am eternally thankful for each one of them. They each were given words by God to bind my open wounds, to let me know that my God has not forsaken me in my darkness. He still loves me. But the most amazing experience of all was the heavens opened up and like the song says, "grace like rain poured down on me, and all my stains were washed away."  I was completely and totally soaked in His forgiving and loving grace.  It has been months since I felt that amazing peace. It was worth every trip through the desert and every painful revelation.  I know that God is ridding me out of myself so that I may be filled with more of Him.  How could I resent Him for that? After all, I was the one who asked for it! I love how God will give us what we want when it is in accordance with His perfect will...even when we don't fully understand what we are asking for.